I passed an exam this week.
So like whatever, right? Well man, this exam had some pretty heavy weight on it.
For one thing, this dude has a whole lot more years behind him than coming up. For most of that time, I kinda got by. A little charm, a lot of experience, and more than a few compromises on my salary (“we’d pay more if you were like, credentialed”). Sure, it was “enough” but there was always something that kinda bugged me.
I chalked it up to the pressures of “the man”, the money pit of the education institution hamster wheel, and why does some fucking piece of paper make me more valuable? Valid concerns still – this shit is fucking real man. How many people squander the stability of their financial future on some gamble of education? Will the jobs be there after you graduation? Will they pay enough to give you the lifestyle you want and be able to settle the loans? Fuck no, they…
Ok, I digress… The reality was I felt that failing the education made me a poser. Sure I did the job for decades but I could fail to get a piece of paper that proved it. I had every valid reason to avoid it but they just covered up the real reason. The Dude has gotta know himself to know his true motivations.
Anyway the missing piece of this is that I’ve gotta get on the job market. That half-and-half isn’t $0.69 anymore. It’s fucking $3. There’s no kind Marty giving me a 10+ day pass on making the rent, and that Torino would never pass the smog test – much less me afford the gas.
The pressure’s going on both ways. I gotta get some cash.
So I took my perfectly valid experience, and a few weeks of free study on YouTube, and purchased, then scheduled my exam. Not cheap by the way. Got some skin in the game (and a little blood, dipping into savings if I’m being honest).
I didn’t know if I was going to pass or not. I was confident I knew my shit but not confident some tricky question wouldn’t trip me up. Doubts man. Doubts were starting to kick my ass.
Ok so reach back into my inner Dude. What is The Dude saying right now? Well, the fact is, I may fail. I may succeed. Either way there’s more shit to do man. If I fail, I gotta do some more practice, and take the test again. If I succeed, I gotta collect that paper and start waving it around.
It’s just a step to something else. Let go of the ego on whatever happens and just know there’s another step after – the world doesn’t fucking end. It’s not like I have to look after Cynthia’s fucking dog.
Well as I said, I kept the pressure low and passed it. I saw the “Congratulations…” upon completing and I smiled. It’s nice to have that step behind me. I even let out a laugh because I probably could have done that a long time ago. Then I laughed more because it doesn’t matter. Now matters and I got that step done.
Ok next I have to land an interview and do my first interview in 20 years. Just another step.
Take it easy dude.
